The Philosophy of Love

[gL.edu] This article gathers contributions by Larissa Heinrich, developed within the context of the Conceptual clarification about "Information, Knowledge and Philosophy", under the supervisión of J.M. Díaz Nafría.

Abstract

Love. Just one simple word. Whispered in sonnets, a desperate plea on the battlefield, a gentle melody sung to a child. It manifests in a multitude of ways, shaping our lives from the cradle to the grave. Love is a feeling as fundamental to the human experience as sorrow and joy. Yet, it remains a concept that philosophers have wrestled with for millennia. Through the ideas of Empedocles, Erich Fromm, and José Ortega y Gasset, we will delve into the complexities of love, its core elements, and the enduring questions it continues to pose.

Keywords

Empedocles - Love and Strife - Erich Fromm - The Art of Loving - Care - Responsibility - Respect - Knowledge - Self-love - Existentialism - Desire - José Ortega y Gasset - Morality - On love: aspects of a single theme - Choice in Love - Masked fidelity

The Cosmos of Love

Our philosophical understanding of love has deep roots that stretch back to ancient Greece. Unlike the fleeting emotions we experience daily, the ancient Greeks saw love as a force far grander. Among them, Empedocles, a presocratic philosopher, considered love not just as a human feeling, but a fundamental force woven into the very fabric of existence.

Ancient thinkers embarked on a quest to understand the underlying code of the universe. They believed the key might lie in the common elements that surrounded them, such as fire, water, and air. Empedocles incorporated these elements into his own theories, while embracing earth as the fourth component. These elements were termed by him as the "roots of all things".

But what drove these roots to interact? The answer, he believed, lay in the interplay of "love" a unifying force, and its counterpart "strife" which served to separate and divide the elements. This interplay wasn’t always balanced. Initially, love reigned supreme, creating a unified whole where everything was one. However, strife's arrival disrupted this harmony, sparking the constant push and pull that has shaped our world. We see this interplay reflected not only in the cosmos but also in the way we humans experience love.

Love, in its myriad forms, binds us together. Be it through relationships, communities, and societies. It inspires us, urging us to be kind, compassionate, and selfless. Yet, alongside love, strife also plays a pivotal role. Conflict, disagreement, and adversity are inevitable aspects of human interaction. Strife challenges us to grow, to adapt, and to overcome obstacles. Through struggle, we discover our strengths, forge our identities, and define our own values. It is evident in the ebb and flow of relationships or the rise and fall of civilizations that both love and strife play pivotal roles in the story of humanity.

Love: A Skill Worth Mastering

Love can be difficult, as most people would agree. It's a constant dance between vulnerability and strength, requiring us to navigate communication hurdles, balance individual needs, and manage differing expectations. We have to support each other's personal growth, all while navigating the external challenges that life throws our way. Yet, despite all of this, we crave love. Perhaps it is precisely this very challenge that makes the rewards of love so sweet.

Erich Fromm, a renowned humanistic philosopher, argued in his book "The Art of Loving" that love, in all its forms, requires knowledge and effort. Many of us fall prey to the misconception that love is a passive experience, a feeling that strikes us like lightning. Fromm, however, challenges this notion, proposing that love is a skill, much like playing an instrument or creating a piece of art. According to him, the art of loving must be practiced and polished. Imagine learning to paint. You wouldn't just study color theory, you'd also practice brushstrokes and hone your technique. Love, in Fromm's view, demands the same commitment to continuous learning and practice.

Elements of Love

Fromm argues that love cannot exist without four essential key elements. Whether it's the passionate love between romantic partners, the deep affection between friends, or the nurturing bond between a parent and child, these elements form the foundation for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

The first element is care, which Fromm defines as an "active concern" for the well-being and growth of a loved one. He emphasizes that this care must be active, translating into actions that nurture the loved one's development. As Fromm himself states, “If a woman told us that she loved flowers, and we saw that she forgot to water them, we would not believe in her "love" for flowers. Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love. Where this active concern is lacking, there is no love.”

Another prime example of care would be the nurturing bond between a parent and their child. It's important to distinguish this from blind indulgence, as Fromm highlights. A loving parent understands that true care involves providing what truly benefits the other person, even if it means setting boundaries. Imagine a child constantly asking for sugary treats. A parent motivated by care wouldn't cave in but might instead offer healthy alternatives like fruit, ensuring the child receives the nourishment they need to grow strong.

Responsibility closely follows care as the second element. It's the comforting knowledge that someone has your back, just like an elder sibling looking out for a younger one. “To be ‘responsible’ means to be able and ready to ‘respond’. The life of his brother is not his brother’s business alone, but his own. He feels responsible for his fellow men, as he feels responsible for himself.” However, it is important to set boundaries, as responsible love once again isn't about enabling the other person’s immoral behavior. Responsible love might involve offering support to get someone back on track after a misstep, but it wouldn't involve bailing them out of reckless behavior.

Finding a healthy balance between care and responsibility is where respect enters the equation. Fromm emphasizes that respect isn't blind admiration but rather an acknowledgement of the loved one's unique identity. Fromm clarifies this point, stating, “Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word (respicere = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality.” Respect fosters personal growth within the relationship and avoids controlling behaviors. While care and responsibility might make us want to control every aspect of someone's life, true respect empowers them to make their own choices. “I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me.”

Finally, Fromm defines knowledge as the cornerstone of genuine love. He emphasizes that genuine love requires a foundation of knowledge. As he states, “He who knows nothing loves nothing. He who can do nothing understands nothing. He who understands nothing is worthless. But he who understands also loves, notices, sees. … The more knowledge is inherent in a thing, the greater the love.” This knowledge, however, isn't about learning how to manipulate and control someone, but about having a deep understanding of the other person. It involves knowing their likes, dislikes, aspirations, and anxieties. We strive to understand them, not just to help them but also to appreciate their unique perspective on the world.

It's through the active practice of care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge that we cultivate a love that is both fulfilling and enduring. “To respect a person is not possible without knowing him; care and responsibility would be blind if they were not guided by knowledge".

Love: The Antidote for Loneliness

Another common pitfall, according to Fromm, is the belief that love is something earned. True love, he argues, thrives on unconditional giving. It's not a transactional exchange, but a commitment to nurture and support the growth of another, regardless of what you receive in return. Something Erich Fromm noticed was that “most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.” In other words, they prioritize being on the receiving end of love over the act of loving itself. This focus on receiving love can be traced, at least in part, to a primal fear of isolation.

Humans are inherently social creatures, and love provides an antidote to the isolation we might experience. As pessimistic as it sounds, unlike other animals, humans grapple with existential questions and a sense of separation from nature. Love, in its various forms, offers us solace and connection. It’s an emotion that helps us navigate these anxieties. However, this deeply ingrained need to escape loneliness is a double-edged sword. Especially children and young adults are prone to mirroring how other people around them behave. Clothing choices, musical preferences, even hobbies- Erich Fromm argues that this behavior is an unconscious act. Reflecting on my own youth, it is safe to say that the underlying fear of isolation has driven this behavior in myself. No one wishes to be the odd one out and have the dreaded label of "weird" looming above them. Here, in my opinion, blossoms the most crucial form of love, self-love.

Self-love

It is the most potent form of love, for it empowers us to embrace our authentic selves. It allows us to shed the pressure to mimic and instead cultivate the courage to be different. It fosters a foundation of self-acceptance, allowing the anxieties of isolation to lose their paralyzing grip. We finally become comfortable in our own skin. Self-love is frequently misinterpreted as selfishness, when in fact, it is about respecting and caring for oneself so that one can extend the same to others. Some people, just like Erich Fromm, argue that self-love is a prerequisite for loving others. It allows us to connect with others on a deeper level, drawn together not by superficial mirroring, but by a genuine appreciation for each other's individuality. True friendships and meaningful relationships blossom from this fertile ground of self-acceptance.

Love and Desire

In the opening chapter of "On Love: aspects of a single theme" José Ortega y Gasset embarks on a mission to untangle the essence of love, differentiating it from the often-confused notion of desire. Ortega argues that while both involve a connection to an object, their motivations and trajectories are fundamentally opposed.

The line between love and desire is a fine one. Desire, according to Ortega, is self-centered and rooted in a sense of lack. It craves possession - a fulfillment that extinguishes itself upon satisfaction. We see a cold glass of water on a hot and sunny day, a beautiful dress, or a delicious piece of cake, and a surge of desire arises. This craving, however, is temporary. We might desire a delicious meal, but once consumed, the desire vanishes. Love, however, transcends this fleeting nature. According to Ortega, "Desire has a passive character; when I desire something, what I actually desire is that the object come to me. Being the center of gravity, I await things to fall down before me. Love, as we shall see, is the exact reverse of desire, for love is all activity." This movement outward, rather than inward, is a defining characteristic of love.

Ortega also believes that "love is a flow, a stream of spiritual matter, a fluid which flows continually like a fountain." Love, then, becomes an act of creation. A continuous act of giving life and sustenance to the beloved that goes beyond simply showering the beloved with affection. It is about recognizing their potential and nurturing it, similarly to how Erich Fromm defined his first key element of love, care. We help them discover and cultivate their best selves and find satisfaction not in acquiring them, but in witnessing their flourishing. This creates a dynamic dance as we strive to understand and elevate them, we grow and evolve to be better versions of ourselves.

Love and Morality

In his analysis of love, Ortega y Gasset argues that it stems from focused attention. Unlike our usual scattered focus, falling in love narrows our world to one captivating individual. This intense fixation, though intoxicating, can be a double-edged sword. Imagine a butterfly flitting from flower to flower, feeding on nectar. Falling in love is like fixating on a single, beautiful bloom – it can be intoxicating, but it also restricts us from exploring the vast garden of possibilities. This all-consuming focus can morph into obsession if left unchecked. Ortega uses the metaphor of a "conquistador" to describe someone who manipulates another's attention in love. This manipulation, fueled by emotional tactics, can trap the other person in a cycle of emotional abuse. Breaking free requires a shift in focus and a conscious effort to reintroduce balance and perspective.

Love, however, is not just about who we fixate on, but also who we choose. The chapter on "The Rule of Choice in Love" suggests our partners reveal our truest selves. We are drawn to those who embody the values we hold dear, even unconsciously. This hidden preference shapes who we find attractive. Interestingly, the chapter explores the concept of "masked fidelity" where we might fall for the same type of person repeatedly, in different disguises. This reinforces the idea that our choices in love reflect our core being. However, here is the twist: While we are drawn to those who resonate with our values, this attraction can sometimes be deceptive. Love's intoxicating power can blind us to flaws, and sometimes, we might be drawn to the very qualities that will hurt us.

“For example: it is not uncommon for a young bourgeois girl of Madrid to fall in love with a man for a certain looseness and audacity that his person exudes. He is always above circumstances, ready to resolve them with an admirable coolness and authority which are definitely the result of an absolute disregard of everything divine and human.” The paradox of love lies in this very attraction to potentially harmful qualities. Ortega suggests the young woman might be unconsciously drawn to the "looseness and audacity" because it fulfills a hidden need, a desire. Perhaps her world feels too structured, and this man’s disregard for norms offers a thrilling sense of rebellion. This is where the question arises: can this initial attraction, fueled by a desire for rebellion and excitement, truly be considered love?

Conclusion

Perhaps the true value of this article lies not in providing a definitive answer because there is none. By grappling with the paradoxes of love, it encourages us to critically examine our own experiences and develop a more nuanced understanding of this powerful emotion. This article serves as a reminder that love, in all its messy glory, remains a mystery to be contemplated, not a problem to be solved. After all, the very word "philosophy" comes from the Greek "philia" (love) and "sophia" (wisdom). It is the love of wisdom, and perchance a deeper understanding of love itself can be a part of that pursuit.